I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
