my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
