you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
You took a bar mat shot.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Randomize
