I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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