We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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