Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
