This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
