...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Randomize
