dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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