I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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