how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
