She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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