If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I want a musical about memes.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
