guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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