a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
