Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
