piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
