You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
