I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Randomize
