she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize