I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
