she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
