I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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