my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
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