Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
