ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
as a side note pls kill me
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
