it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
It's blow job season.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
