I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
