in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I cockslap morals
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
