I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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