I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
