I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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