Three words: puerto rican gang bang
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
