Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
This house was built for laser tag.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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