Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
