im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Is it because I queefed?
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
