Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize
