he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
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