Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
