mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
