Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I'm both gender and math confused
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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