He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
All I want is dick and wine.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
