so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
