Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
