I want to have your abortion
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
third nipple confirmed
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
