Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
