my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
