He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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