Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
