I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
