just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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