cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
