its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
