Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
