So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
