I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
