He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
