That's intense
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Randomize
