Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
