apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
