I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Randomize
