Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
