Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
